Expectations in a Relationship To Woo Your Love & Understand Feelings Better!

Relationships are mostly based on expectations. Relationships grow because people expect and they also keep each other’s expectations to show love for each other. The strong foundation of a relationship is keeping each other’s expectations, trust, and of course love. Some experts say that lowering your expectations will lower your chances of getting into an agreement. Well, we can know more about this once we dive into more details. Stick around till the end to get a concrete idea of expectations in a relationship.

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Studies regarding expectations in a relationship

The above statement in the introduction where I stated “ your chances of getting into an argument lowers when you have less expectations from a person” was actually stated by Dr. Donald Baucom a psychologist who studied relationships for a long time. But, there’s also a catch to this statement. People get what they want is what studies show. If you have low expectations, you’ll get treated poorly compared to a person who has high expectations from a relationship or a person. If you have high standards, you may get your boxes ticked as you’ll choose a person likely and wisely. Though here high standards are equal to realistic standards and not unrealistic fanatical high hopes which are absurd. Does that work like that? I would clearly deny cause you’ll always end up having strong expectations from the person you love.

Let us take a look at some studies that were carried out regarding expectations in a relationship –

You can’t choose the person like you are choosing an outfit, or you can’t understand the quality of the person by just going on few dates. It works in your favor or your partner’s when you guys learn to focus on the low points of the relationship and fix it rather than trying to make your relationship “the best”. It’s more like when it comes to relationships, you should have a “good enough” relationship rather than having “the best” relationship. To make your relationship “good enough” Theresa E. Didonato states that you need to let go future assumptions and focus on the present.
Now you may ask, “Is fighting or arguments unhealthy in a relationship?” the clear answer is “no”. Any kind of relationship will have that, but rather than making fights abusive and traumatizing, it is important to make fights more composed and productive. Don’t make your arguments turn into something that can scar your relationship.
The next takeaway is the research that was led by Dr Dan. He simply said, “You won’t get each and every solution to every problem”. Relationships are meant to leave unsolvable problems that you can’t solve nor your partner can. There will always be a set of problems for which you won’t find any solutions. Choosing a partner also comes with a lot of “unresolved and unsolved” problems that you will even lose track of.
Sometimes people expect that their relationship will have the strength to mend childhood traumas, and childhood wounds, but in reality, it does not work like that. You need to know each other’s scars and embrace your scars and also it is important to help each other feel comfortable while feeling vulnerable at times for these traumas. Psychologist, Eli Finkel from Northwestern University believes, that partners who support each other through the worst, especially in overcoming childhood traumas, get the capability to fight through any obstacles that come their way.

Expectations in a relationship

There are different kinds of expectations depending on the gender. For instance, Women are more vocal and clear about their expectations and in some cases, men do not let out at once what they want in a relationship or what are the things they expect in a relationship. In that cases, we tried to categorize the genders in order to make it clear for you to understand what each one expects in a relationship (of course there will be exceptions).

Men

Men are quite secretive when it comes to sharing their feelings and putting forward what exactly they want. However, there are some psychologically proven facts, that show what men want in a relationship. Women and men are both different species having different ways to expect things, ask for things, and deal with everything in different ways. Let’s take a look at the list of expectations men have from their partner –

Men do not want someone who’s constantly insecure and not at all confident with the relationship or him. Men don’t like to constantly stress over puny things.
They seek honesty in a relationship. If a man loves you, they will be completely honest with you and in return, they seek that honesty back from you.
The most ignored and less talked about expectation that men have is to have a clear and straightforward conversation with their partners. Women on the other hand love to be understood without having to utter a single word, but men don’t like to stress over a particular thing and they love getting direct information from you about what you need, what you want, or what’s bothering you (the question that haunts every man!)
The next thing is very certain irrespective of gender or anything, that is respect. Men want complete respect from you.
Men are often labeled as extremely strong and independent everywhere. We often miss out that they are human beings and are made up of emotions. Men crave emotional intimacy over everything. Men are indeed extremely strong and secretive but if they feel safe and comfortable they can be as vulnerable and expressive as ever.
Another unaddressed expectation is that they want to connect and talk about common interests. Supposedly, if he loves games, he would expect you to understand and listen to him when he shares about the games with you.
On one side men love immature partners but on the other side men also love mature partners at times. Most men want their partners to deal with problems in a constructive way rather than just judging things based on emotions.

The list is indeed never-ending but these are some key points that we discussed above.

Women

Women are soft and more volatile about these things. Moreover, women don’t think like a man or they don’t think with their mind. Women are expressive in certain issues and they are quite act as the “golden retriever” in a relationship. Let’s now take a look at what they expect from a relationship –

Believe it or not, women want their partner to have a good sense of humor. It might sound funny to you, but most of them proceed with a man after seeing that quality and expect a man to keep it up even after committing to the relationship.
A woman expects a man to look into things from her perspective. For example, if she is mad at someone (not you), she expects you to agree with her and not logically make her understand. She wants you to agree with her and not just explain her things.
Women expect their men to be emotionally vulnerable. Women nowadays don’t entertain the notion of alpha men or extra-strong males. They want their man to be expressive and emotionally vulnerable. They want them to open up about their insecurities, pain, and vulnerabilities.
Most women are now against the “nurturer or provider” quality of men. Men love providing for the person they love and women nowadays love working for themselves and getting whatever they want on their own. But, there are 70% women out of 100 who love the idea of being provided or nurtured, mostly emotionally and also financially. These are some gestures women like.
Accepts positive criticism and takes action on it. Most women don’t like insecure men who can’t process criticism and they feel agitated or weird when their girl, reflects on constructive criticism. Women want them to accept it or maybe deny the fact, but respectfully.
The most important highlight of this part is women want their men to be extremely reliable, whom the girl can blindly rely on. Women love feeling safe and secure.
They want their man to be loyal and honest. A man can simply prove himself to be one by just sharing each and every minute detail with your partner. They legitimately hate sugar-coated things so they always expect you to be respectfully honest with them.

These are some personal expectations that each person has from their partners according to the given genders. As I have already mentioned above, let’s now talk about the variation of expectations.

Expectations and their variations

‘Expectations’ don’t grow that easily or in just one day. Expectations are fueled by other things like stories from books, and movies, and also from real-life circumstances. According to sources, most relationships don’t have that strong foundation because people nowadays have extravagant expectations from their partners. It is mostly triggered by fictional movies or web series etc.

For ticking or having your list of expectations you need to analyze the type of expectations you have from a person. Generally, there are two types of expectations – one is unrealistic expectations and another one is realistic expectations.

Let’s take a look at some unrealistic expectations –

In a healthy relationship, couples don’t fight.
They shouldn’t talk to strangers (in case of necessity)
Always be available for your partner.
If your partner is angry, stand in front of her/his house for the whole day.
Whenever you have leisure spend it together.
Always know what your partner needs, be telepathic.

Examples Of Realistic Expectations

Now some examples of realistic expectations –

faith in each other.
Even if you fight, come back to each other.
quality intimate time with each other.
Being each other’s closest friend.
empathy towards one’s emotions.
Growing together and don’t stay stagnant.
Respect the differences.

Now take a look at both the examples and you can relate why one is unrealistic and the other is realistic. You can never have the so-called picture-perfect relationship. Having a loving partner, and supporter is all you need in your life. You don’t need a love story that looks like a movie but a love story that’s enjoyable for you to look back on when you grow old.

Differences in expectations

Most people have this question of whether having different expectations or opposite types of expectations is unhealthy. Well, the answer is no. It is natural to have different expectations than your partner because you both have different experiences, different perspectives, and visions in life. That doesn’t mean one is wrong than the other. It simply means you have different thoughts on this matter. Some people naturally have low expectations from other people. It is always advisable to talk about these things with your partner. A lot of people take up different things based on what they see or hear.

Avoid getting influenced by your friend’s relationship and stop comparing your relationship to someone else’s relationship. Most people have sky-high expectations because they adopt those from other people.

The foundation of a healthy relationship

Having expectations is not at all unhealthy in any form until and unless you have unrealistic expectations. It is important to communicate with your partner upfront about what are your expectations or what you expect from them. There is nothing wrong with being straight about what you want from your partner. A relationship can only survive if you have a habit of conducting strong communication with your partner. If your partner is sensitive to change, then it’s necessary for you to reassure them that the relationship will be as concrete as ever. It is important to reflect on the upcoming changes that are occurring and that may change your lives. Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Conclusive Insights

Love is a simple but again complex idea which roams around being patient and extremely transparent with each other. Relationships cannot rely on vague words and mostly relies on the actions you take. Compromising and understanding your partner is the most important thing you can do to keep your relationship rooted. Ask questions to your partner and have a strong communication with your partner on this topic. Preach each other on the parts where you think the expectations are vague and inflexible. Hopefully this article about expectations of a relationship was relevant and informative. Drop down your valuable thoughts below. For more such informative content subscribe to our newsletter.

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